A former colleague told me about this new place called Moist Beach Club in Oniru, Victoria Island, Lagos that she visited with her brother and some friends, early this year. Here’s my “side of the story”.

She thought that I would like it, and encouraged me to try it out. Between the pictures she showed me and the name of the place and her being a ‘cool kid’, I was sold. So, I made a note to visit at some point.

First time was months later. I went with my best friend on a Sunday evening. She felt like a chill hangout, and it seemed like a good opportunity.

We loved it. The ambience is wavy, music is good, we get a bottle of wine, we’re on lounge chairs close to the beach, there’s dancers by the pool with lights… Good stuff.

Naturally, we decide to go back another time. In fact, we swore we found a dope new spot to chill on evenings like this. We didn’t even mind the gate fee aspect, even though it was unexpected.

However…

The second time is another story though. A bunch of us are at a house party, and go, “How about we take this party somewhere else,” I’m like, “Moist!” Then, I lead these seven or so ladies there in a convoy. Yay!

Again, we pay at the gate, and proceed to the door. My friend from the first time is ahead of us, and gets in. I’m right behind her and get stopped. They’ve closed, the bouncer said. Wow. For real? How about all these people getting in then? No comment. “Just step aside, madam.”

I’m confused. I tell him I paid a fee at the gate for our entry. He laughs in my face like ‘what fee’. I explain it to him, and this guy said I should go and collect my money back. Wow. You mean it?

Okay, I go, “My friend is inside.” This guy said I should use his phone to call the friend. I hope you’re taking note of all the insults I’m receiving.

Meanwhile, there’s this random guy that had been talking to my sister from the other party who came with us to Moist. He comes to my side by the door, and the bouncer goes, “Is she with you?” He answers in the affirmative. Of course, it’s okay for me to go in then.

I lose my shit. LOL! I refuse to go in, yell at the bouncer and turn around.

Now, in case you’re still any kind of confused, the consensus was that the bouncer thought I was a prostitute is the reason why he refused me entry. Okay… And? What, they don’t let prostitutes in here except they’re with men? Because, how is that good for business?

Also, can you explain the criteria for automatically being dubbed a prostitute at the doors of this distinguished establishment?

Anyhow, my friends tried to get me to reconsider, seeing as how we brought all these other ladies there for the first time. My friend who was already inside came to the door as well… Long story short, we go in, and I’m struggling to get back in the good mood we went out there with for most of the rest of the night.

And the place wasn’t even popping!!!! We left almost immediately after!! IMAGINE!

Again…

The next time we went to Moist Beach Club was in August. The friend of the #PartyHoliday was in town to continue her ‘summer’. She wanted to go to the beach, but her schedule was tight, so I thought we’d give Moist another try to maximise her itinerary.

Oh, because I give people, places, and things, second chances. A lot. #NotSoFunFacts

That same bouncer was at the door, lol. This time, he lied that Moist was reservation only. I’m like, “Really? Because I’ve been here before and didn’t need a reservation.” Baba said they started three weeks ago. I’m crying!! “But, it doesn’t say so online.” No comment.

Oya, let me see your manager. He says no. Meanwhile, he’s letting other [men] in. I point that out, and he claims they were inside before. He now wanted to make a show of checking newcomers. He tried it with one huge man like this, that one practically shoves him aside and enters.

I asked to see the manager again, and Baba flared up and said he was part of management. I almost collapsed. I’ve suffered.

The good thing was that he had a colleague that could be reasoned with. So, we turn our attention to that one, who soon asks him to let us in. 

As soon as we enter, I tell one of the hostesses I need to speak to their manager. He comes, apologises, and tries to explain their rationale for granting or refusing entry. Something about Yahoo boys who end up owing them money and girls and funny businesses… I don’t know what the hell this last one meant.

But, whatever…

I was done with Moist by this time. We went there this third time because, I guess I was hoping for my first time experience again. 

However, I can’t keep trying to take people somewhere for the first time and subject them to unnecessary embarrassment, because you can’t train your staff adequately. In addition to the fact that the DJ’s set was lame (again), their [expensive] sliders were really not it (dry and bland), and service can be improved.

I would apologise for writing about this so late, but my case is I’m always living in the moment. So, I try to write about experiences later, so—–

I’m gonna sign off with how I turned down an offer to go there again two Fridays ago – No, thanks!