The Stress of Trying to Enjoy Nightlife in Lagos

To enjoy nightlife for me usually involves going places where there’s good music, nice drinks, and nice people, and I can dance until I probably get dragged out. If there’s also food – before, during, or after – then #IssaJackpot. Yet, the nightlife in Lagos will stop at nothing to stress you.

In my teens, a group of us from school would go to clubs that catered to us young’uns who just wanted to dance and have fun. No stress. 11:45 was one of those (Who remembers them? Hahaha). In my twenties (I can actually say that now. Wow), nightlife majorly involved nightclubs.

After a while, however, I had had enough of clubs – it was either the DJ was dry, there wasn’t any space to dance (a problem!), or the crowd wasn’t it for me.

So, these years, a night out could be at a house party, a bar, or a bar/restaurant that turns into a ‘nightclub’ at some point. Although, in my opinion, we don’t have enough bars that just cater to a basic evening hangout with friends without being upscale.

But, in addition to these was the hassle it took to get into these places in the first place. Especially as a female. So stressful.

Getting into bars and clubs wasn’t a thing I considered a challenge or even thought about, until I started noticing that you would only be let in if you were with a male, and/or presumed to have money to spend, and so forth.

For the first part… Not here and now. The second part, however, I get. Totally and completely. The point of these bars, clubs, and restaurants is to make sales.

Yet, I want to point out what makes sense and what doesn’t about the biases attached to letting people into such places.

I have zero issues with restricting people’s entry based on reservations like, well, if they don’t have a reservation, or if they don’t abide by your dress code, or if they’re not the crowd your establishment wants to attract. For example, a members-only establishment.

But, assuming people won’t ‘spend’ or you treat them rudely because they’re women, or based on their looks, and thus refusing them entry is an unfortunate stretch and a trend in Lasgidi.

First of all, not everybody is going to come and spend millions at your establishment in a night. Sorry. Second of all, lol, not everybody has that to spend. Not sorry. And it doesn’t matter the sex. Third of all, except if your bouncers have some Jason Bourne level of training, you probably can’t tell who has or will do what based on their style of dressing.

Having said this, a lot of people – WOMEN, in my case – just want to go out and – shocker – buy their own drinks, and – this might shock you even more – have a bloody good time with whatever [little] they have.

So, when bouncers want to deny you entry at the door for no good reason like what happened to me recently at Moist Beach Club, I’m just left shaking my head. Why would you try to deny me a nice night out for no reason????????

Now, as I mentioned in this piece about places situated along waterfronts, Moist is a chill place on a nice evening. At least, that was my initial experience and the only reason for revisiting.

Sadly, like most places in Lagos, in my experience, they’re still a bit… backward when it comes to their overall customer engagement and management. The worst part here is that you’ve already paid a fee at the main gate to come and face such nonsense at their door.

Again, you can read the full story here. Also, find my Google review here. Yeye things.

Anyways, as I said, I’ve been over actual nightclubs for years now because they don’t entirely quench my ‘fun thirst’. Or fire. Choose one. Plus, except I want a nice cocktail, I tend to have drinks at home, so it’s not exactly a goal when I go out at night.

These places are meant to provide you with an experience you can’t get at home. They need to do better at it, in general. 

If you’re all about reservations, make that clear. Especially online. If you’re members only, that’s great! If you charge an entry fee, go ahead. In fact, this is another thing I have zero issues with, and would actually proffer as an option to help ‘sieve’ your crowd.

But, if your excuse is that you don’t want sex workers, for instance… Sorry. Because, first of all, you already let them in. Deliberately, even. And then, how can you really tell at the door? Hahahaha. I’m genuinely curious. Because, also, what about male and gay ones? Hmm? Plus your favourite customers are clients? Hmm? Where’s their happy ending of the evening??

Please, don’t lose yourself some extra customers through a failed, hypocritical attempt at morality. 

Finally, a lot of us might not be rich, but we’re about nightlife for the pure thrill of a solid turn-up. So, we do things like pool resources to make it happen. At least, for that night. Maybe more places need to open to cater to customers like us. With dance floors, of course. What do you think?

Signing off with “because most of these places suck anyways.”