Look up or get lost: A cab-hailing sorta story

Cab-hailing in Lagos is a joke. You literally can’t put your head down in a cab here.

This morning’s unsolicited joyride only served to reinforce this statement. The phrase might be an exaggeration, but the truth outweighs the joke.

Oh, that’s me by the way. The quote. Yeah, it’s mine. I pretty much say it during and after every cab ride in this Lagos.

In the past, it was difficult for me to take my eyes off the road if someone else was behind the wheel. It almost didn’t matter who was driving. This was even long before I was old enough to drive, or even had a car.

To be honest, at the time it was less – but also – about the person’s driving skills and more about my mild paranoia. I like to know where I’m going, and if you’re observing basic traffic rules, and such. Kill me.

In Lagos, a lot of people can’t drive/are careless drivers. That’s one thing.

But, in Lagos, a lot of people are paid to drive, and that’s another thing. So, when you’re paid to drive, the least that’s expected of you besides knowing how to DRIVE is to have a general sense of where the fuck you’re going.

“Where are we going? Did we miss the exit??”

*Muttering*

“This is a joke. I didn’t say anything when you went off the service lane back there, because I thought you wanted to go and make the turn under the bridge where they sell the baskets…”

Not the gazillionth time this is happening to me – or to you – in an Uber or Taxify (we’ll talk about THE DRIVERS another time). Even with an increasingly rare thing such as a well-mannered driver with good intentions.

But WHY? Why are cab-hailing experiences so hectic??

“At the very least, they should know key junctions and bus stops and landmarks. It’s not even fair”, I lamented to my colleague when I finally got to work.

It sounds funny, but that quote I started with can be a costly truth. Again, literally.  We had to get to Ojota to make another exit and U-turn to face Maryland.

As time passed, I’ve become more ‘lax’ and, from time to time, actually even doze off in a moving car. It doesn’t matter whether or not you can drive. I’m tired, abeg.

Isn’t this why we have cab-hailing services? For when we’re tired, or don’t feel like driving? Isn’t it for comfortable stress-free rides to and from our destinations? So why do I find myself navigating for a cabbie (one) with a virtual map (two)? Why? Just why?? Why??? 

There’s no need to make a case for special situations here. Just piece it together real quick or make a mental note, and let’s get back to the issue at hand. Why can’t I completely relax in a cab, even after I’ve worked hard to deal with my control issues? Why can’t you? Why can’t we all?

You can’t even look down at the map you need to help your driver, since you’re both kuku driving. Did you know this? Did I mention this? You look down for one second, and you’re lost! Or your driver takes the longest route their map can possibly find for them. 

“This is a joke. This did not just happen. You’re seriously saying you don’t know your way to Maryland or GRA, Ikeja from Anthony?”

*Says something else*

I sigh and fall silent. He seemed like one of the ones with ‘good intentions’.

Now we’re co-drivers though

So, my eyes are glued to the road now, with my back straightened. Who cares about relaxing, ehn? Who cares about trying to sort one or two things out before I get to work? Certainly not cab-hailing companies. Otherwise, they’d employ better, more competent drivers, no? Yeah, maybe not.

“We’re turning right here”, I practically laugh out the words. It wasn’t even a sarcastic laugh. It was unbelievably funny. Ridiculous stuff. He was looking at his map all this time, meanwhile. I just chuckled in real life.

Bear in mind this wasn’t my worst experience with these cab-hailing people. Not even by a long shot.

It’s a good thing was there was only some mild traffic facing Maryland.  ‘Cause I’m out here calculating how much this trip would be now, compared to the original fare estimate. Mtscheeew.

It’s a mess, however you look at it. A mess, I tell you.

What if you don’t know where you’re going, you ask? You better hope maps come through.

Sign off?